The Thinking Sapling

We’re often told to be true to ourselves. It sounds simple, but in such a noisy world— who are we, really? The question should be easy, and yet, because of distractions, the answer seems clouded. Even worse, there is the judgment of others on who we are. If others call me kind or cruel, am I kind or cruel? Trapped in our thoughts and emotions, how do we form an “I”?

We might define ourselves relative to others or by a standard set up outside us. If I achieve good grades, I am an excellent student. If I work more than others, I am hardworking. However, while this can be useful, it doesn’t answer our question in full. If I tell you an apple is redder than a banana, you still don’t know what colour the banana is— it could be yellow, green, or blue. This view defines us only relative to things outside. If we want a clear picture of who we are, we must look inward, not outward.

Tolkien, through the ever-mysterious Tom Bombadil, throws the question right at us.

” ‘Who are you, Master?’ he(Frodo) asked.

‘Eh, what?’ said Tom sitting up, and his eyes glinting in the gloom. ‘Don’t you know my name yet? That’s the only answer. Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and nameless?… ’ “

– J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of The Ring, In The House of Tom Bombadil.

This question has remained with me, and I’ve struggled to answer it. How could someone define themselves without doing so relative to others? One can’t be wise if there are no fools, nor can one be brave if there are no cowards.

Tom attempted to answered— he was the eldest; he was there before the trees and rivers; he saw the stars when the dark was fearless. His answer was not about his direct character but rather about his experience. We might be tempted to say he was dodging the question here, but maybe he wasn’t.

Humor me with a thought experiment. First, take away the body, then all the abilities to perceive the world. Do you find yourself anywhere among what remains? Let’s now take away our thoughts, memories, and emotions. Tell me— is there anything left?

There is nothing about us that exists apart from our experience. We are made from our thoughts and emotions, our struggles and triumphs. All we truly know of ourselves is our existence as lived. How we respond to ache, pain, pleasure and beauty, what is there more to life than that?

So, being true to ourselves, what does that mean? It means being honest about our lives thus far. It means chasing what we, not others, find valuable. It means understanding how our experiences dictate our choices and shape our desires. So, let’s for a moment ask ourselves: who are we alone, ourselves, and nameless? In a world telling us what we are meant to be— what have we been being? The answer is not easy to find, but it’s ours to do so. Maybe one day, we’ll be able to answer as Tom did.

” ‘…But you are young and I am old. Eldest, that’s what I am. Mark my words, my friends: Tom was here before the river and the trees; Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn. He made paths before the Big People, and saw the little People arriving. He was here before the Kings and the graves and the Barrow-wights. When the Elves passed westward, Tom was here already, before the seas were bent. He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside.’ “

– J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of The Ring, In The House of Tom Bombadil.